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Archive for the ‘women’ Category

A Chameleon is a changeable, fickle, or inconstant person. That’ my ex. After the tirade of abuse I got on Sunday, and again on Tuesday after I went researching the impact of hie threat to go bankrupt to hurt me, he came back on Thursday eating humble pie! On Tuesday after I questioned him he claimed to have done his research on the bankrupcty idea but the look on his face when I said to him that they would take his car made it very clear he had not done his research at all. In fact in that conversation it was ok for the trustee to take his car but not ok for him to sell it himself and downgrade so he could in fact help us out of this financial mess. It was frustrating. I told him to go see the accountant himself. Two nights later he rocked up eating humble pie! I have since been wondering what his real motivation was.

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Well what can I say to start this off? I am separated but connected. Connected by the mortgage document my ex and myself signed a number of years ago. And darn it we have still not sold the house! It has been 3 months, we’ve lowered the price but until it sells neither of us can really get on with our lives. Add to that that our financial ‘arrangement’ is not working fairly and yep I am really fed up. (more…)

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In our separation, all  the current hype and advice is the kids come first. He says ‘The kids come first’ but he does not DO the ‘kids come first’. He just does not think of their needs, and what may be good for them – he much prefers to consider what suits him, what is in his best interest and then find a way of making it sound like he has done it for the kids.

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Ok..I have a life long problem…I am not good at saying ‘no’. It’s a simple word. I can do it well in the classroom when I have to, and sometimes I have no choice but to say ‘no’ because it costs too much and is not in the budget – but that’s not the kind of ‘no’ I am talking about. I am talking about the ‘no’ needed when you have to put yourself, your needs, your life and wellbeing first. (more…)

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Well it has been a rough couple of weeks – but I am at home with both my girls at last. Even miss 17 is home. Dad has found alternative accomodation, so now we can settle back into some sort of routine. Oh how nice it was to be back in my own bed!

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Prelude: If you have been following this story you know I have separated from my husband and Miss 17 was not coping with the living arrangements so she lost it. Miss 17 is wanting to cut loose and leave both of us:

“I don’t want to live with you at Grandma’s. I don’t like her. …I am going to get youth allowance and leave home. I want independence. I want freedom. I want….”

Mother: sigh….self centeredness is not what I taught her. Black and white thinking is not what I taught her. Gradual independence I have given her. But right now she is thinking and behaving in extremes. If you are in this position read on…you are a good mum…keep reminding yourself of this as you participate in the teenage playground and ride these swings and roundabouts as a parent! (more…)

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She has hit rock bottom

She can’t cope with the separation under one roof thing

She feels unsupported, uncertain

She thinks she needs to go it alone, but she doesn’t feel ready

She did not want to come home

I got her and brought her home

She wanted to talk

Dad and mum at the table, little sister was out

She blurted it all out and got more distressed

She was inconsolable, irrational, at rock bottom

I offered to take her somewhere safe

Where I knew after hours counselling was available to us

She agreed

I asked him to come too – he is her father

His response – ‘What do I need to go for? I don’t need counselling!’

We went without him

Enuff said

Epilogue – She spent the night in the safety of the home of a family friend. She felt more secure and so did I knowing she was not out there with teenage friends already dislocated from their families. I have a lot of repair work to do now. Living under the same roof but separated has hurt her more than I can possibly imagine. I am sorry.

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