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Archive for the ‘women’ Category

Ok..I have a life long problem…I am not good at saying ‘no’. It’s a simple word. I can do it well in the classroom when I have to, and sometimes I have no choice but to say ‘no’ because it costs too much and is not in the budget – but that’s not the kind of ‘no’ I am talking about. I am talking about the ‘no’ needed when you have to put yourself, your needs, your life and wellbeing first. (more…)

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Well it has been a rough couple of weeks – but I am at home with both my girls at last. Even miss 17 is home. Dad has found alternative accomodation, so now we can settle back into some sort of routine. Oh how nice it was to be back in my own bed!

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Prelude: If you have been following this story you know I have separated from my husband and Miss 17 was not coping with the living arrangements so she lost it. Miss 17 is wanting to cut loose and leave both of us:

“I don’t want to live with you at Grandma’s. I don’t like her. …I am going to get youth allowance and leave home. I want independence. I want freedom. I want….”

Mother: sigh….self centeredness is not what I taught her. Black and white thinking is not what I taught her. Gradual independence I have given her. But right now she is thinking and behaving in extremes. If you are in this position read on…you are a good mum…keep reminding yourself of this as you participate in the teenage playground and ride these swings and roundabouts as a parent! (more…)

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She has hit rock bottom

She can’t cope with the separation under one roof thing

She feels unsupported, uncertain

She thinks she needs to go it alone, but she doesn’t feel ready

She did not want to come home

I got her and brought her home

She wanted to talk

Dad and mum at the table, little sister was out

She blurted it all out and got more distressed

She was inconsolable, irrational, at rock bottom

I offered to take her somewhere safe

Where I knew after hours counselling was available to us

She agreed

I asked him to come too – he is her father

His response – ‘What do I need to go for? I don’t need counselling!’

We went without him

Enuff said

Epilogue – She spent the night in the safety of the home of a family friend. She felt more secure and so did I knowing she was not out there with teenage friends already dislocated from their families. I have a lot of repair work to do now. Living under the same roof but separated has hurt her more than I can possibly imagine. I am sorry.

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Mothers day in my country is the second Sunday in May.

I have always struggled to really enjoy Mothers day. I was born on mothers day so my birthday, at least every seven years, is Mothers day too. As a child they were separate entities – but as a mum I often get a present that was for both birthday and mothers day. I hate this – they are different days, requiring different gifts of thanks and appreciation.

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Miss A is almost 17. In fact will be next week. She is confused, emotionally intense, communicates aggressively right now and is draining all my energy. I go out and fill my emotional bicket and she drops a bombshell or starts and argument. I am feeling a bit like I am taking one step forward and 2 back! (more…)

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Ok…I am getting daily mailings from Brian Kim and this image just made me smile:

Think of your mind as a hose out of control spraying every which way.  You want to grab control of the hose, turn off the negative thoughts that are spewing out, and hook up your hose to positive thoughts and spew those onto your subconscious mind to influence your future thoughts and actions to be conducive to them.

OMG! This is what I was like about oh 8 weeks ago…when the cork on my depression popped off and I decided to stop believing these negative feelings I had. Living and being married with someone who constantly says : (more…)

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I am feeling so excited, appreciated admired and even loved at work…and that is something I have not felt for a long time! For the past 3-4 years I have been a very lonely person in a workplace of 100 staff. Few people gave me the time of day and to be honest at times I probably did look like something the cat dragged in. As a teacher I struggled to gain the respect and admiration of students, I struggled with confrontations, I often struggled to maintain composure and not have fisheyes from crying. I was depressed.

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I was reading recently a blog by Laura Young called ‘The dragons slayers guide to life’ a great site that has a wonderful series on dragon slaying you could read – it might help you identify some dragons in your life and some ways of dealing with them. Then comes along another post by Craig Harper  about ‘winning’. Dargon slayers are winners even if they don’t get medals for winning battles with them. Dragons come in all shapes and sizes and I’d like to share with you the ‘Stuck dragon’ the worlds biggest loser. (more…)

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I don’t usually wake to nightmares but recently this has been happening a lot and it has scared the shit out of me. I am writing about it in the hope that along with this, the milo, the valium and some pain killer for the sciatic that is screaming at me I might head to bed for the second time tonight with a  lot more calm and have a good sleep. It is only 10.20 – I had only been asleep an hour and a half –went to bed really tired but have woken super stressed. My soon to be ex was out but I vaguely recall hearing him come home and ask my daughter if mum had gone to bed – I dozed back off to sleep – not sure if that was when he entered the dream or when it started…but he is the main character of this drama. 

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