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Archive for April, 2007

I was reading recently a blog by Laura Young called ‘The dragons slayers guide to life’ a great site that has a wonderful series on dragon slaying you could read – it might help you identify some dragons in your life and some ways of dealing with them. Then comes along another post by Craig Harper  about ‘winning’. Dargon slayers are winners even if they don’t get medals for winning battles with them. Dragons come in all shapes and sizes and I’d like to share with you the ‘Stuck dragon’ the worlds biggest loser. (more…)

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I don’t usually wake to nightmares but recently this has been happening a lot and it has scared the shit out of me. I am writing about it in the hope that along with this, the milo, the valium and some pain killer for the sciatic that is screaming at me I might head to bed for the second time tonight with a  lot more calm and have a good sleep. It is only 10.20 – I had only been asleep an hour and a half –went to bed really tired but have woken super stressed. My soon to be ex was out but I vaguely recall hearing him come home and ask my daughter if mum had gone to bed – I dozed back off to sleep – not sure if that was when he entered the dream or when it started…but he is the main character of this drama. 

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Please skip over to Craig harper.com and read Dealing with Energy Vampires . I would like to personalise this a bit and write about my energy vampire. I come across these people daily in scool as students and I can deal with them effectively – but I am also married to one and that is where I have to declare that this description of my partner really sums up what I have been through in the many years between dating and now. (more than 21 of them). I sometimes wonder at the fact I am still alive and kicking!

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“Have you done x yet”

“I didn’t have time”

The Ultimate lie for what is truly It is not important to me to do that is I haven’t got time or I didn’t have time. The latter really means someone suggested it was important but it wasn’t important enough for me to fit it into my day.

Sure…sometimes we truly did not have the time to make a call or spend and extra 5 minutes at the supermarket looking for that product someone wanted.

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There’s this guy ‘Cactus’ at From Couch Potato to Olympian.  I really gotta admire the way Craig has approached his support of Cactus here. I know it’s a blokey thing – not my style. But hey – if my dear ex hubby had mates like this just maybe, (a big maybe) he could be a budding oplympian too. .

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I heard this quote on the radio the other day. I am in the middle of crawling out of a hole of deep and dark depression and one aspect of my life that took me into this hole was the ‘do not under any circumstances rock the boat’ way of approaching life. Instinctively I knew this was wrong, but as a child I learnt this lesson well – don’t upset your mother AKA the most important person in your life.

Well…this little philosphy found it’s way to not rocking the boat with the demands of friends and boyfreinds, then my husband. It translates as simply as this: If I say I am angry, upset or unhappy about something I will hurt them.

The trouble is…I end up sick – very sick – with the deepest well of built up anger and frustration and I now suffer a real fear of rocking anyones boat – up until 3 weeks ago when I recognised that if I am to make my life worthwhile there will be times when this just simply must be done, for the good of myself and my children. So…I got a grip and told it like it is…I am not happy living with my husband and his narcisism drives me mad. I told him I want to separate. (more…)

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Well, this at least is what I said to my counsellor when I finally found the courage to tell my husband those dreadful words ‘I want a separation’. There – I had finally said it and at first I was felling pretty good but the next day I got the guilts. Here is what she had to say:

  I need to know in more detail about the statement “What have I done?” pull that apart for me. Put it in context with the issues we were discussing yeterday I think this is a direct result of your own guilt and not knowing how to deal with the guilt. remembering that you have been guilty about most things in your life for as long as you can remember.

Well…what she says is true. Here’s a little history for you so you can come to terms with my ranting and raving and declaration that this is enough! (more…)

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