When Jodie started talking about how good it would be to go on exchange last year I initially dismissed it as simply teenage wishful thinking. She knew I had been on exchange and I did take the opportunity to tell her of some of my experiences. The subject of exchange became something she started to talk about a lot, so I decided to see how serious she was. I said to her – if you are truly serious about this then do your research.

Tonight is a celebration of just how serious Jodie was and the whirlwind journey of success she has had so far.
Jodie is going to ONO Japan. She is doing this because she has put in the work necessary to get there. She did the research and we made the choice of AFS as her exchange program in terms of her desire to go to Japan and the value of the price. She then kept me on my toes organising the application, the doctors medical, the passports, and the other paperwork that came in. She kept her promise to self study Japanese and has attended classes with Mina twice a week in order to be as prepared as she can be for the language and customs of Japan. She kept up with her high quality school performance and even took school seriously this year – much to the amusement of her fellow students. Jodie took on full responsibility for the whole process. All I had to do was support her with information and the fees needed, and sign the paperwork.

Saying goodbye

I was a really proud mum when we got the news she had been accepted. Jodie and I both thought she had applied too late for scholarship for Japan, but Bev – the AFS rep who interviewed her felt otherwise and put her name in. Jodie’s resume, performance on interview and school reports have served her well as she was selected for scholarship with Mimi Japan. This was a stroke of luck for us and made making the trip for Jodie even more possible for us.
Lots of people have asked me am I sad? Am I going to miss her? Are you worried? The answer to all of these questions is yes – of course. I am her mum. The world is big and scary. Jodie is wonderful company and I will miss hearing her sitting at her computer with her headphones on laughing at something. I will miss her non stop chatter when she gets on a topic she is passionate about. BUT…to dwell on these things is to be negative and to say I am sad would in fact be a lie.

Thankyou

I am not consumed at all by the feelings of sadness that Jodie will not be here for 11 months – I am consumed much more by the pride I feel in her going as an ambassador of this country, and by the excitement and anticipation I see in her eyes and heart. I am extremely excited for Jodie – I remember very well how I felt when I climbed aboard a plane for the first time in my life and flew right across the globe to a country where I did not speak the language or know and understand the culture. The impact of that experience on me as a person is immeasurable and enduring, and I am boyed by the hope that the excitement, the development of maturity and the memories of Jodies trip for her will be just as wonderful. How can I be sad about that really??
So lets not all stand here in sadness and say farewell Jodie. Let’s be excited and proud about Jodies courage, Jodie’s drive, Jodies ambition. Let’s be excited about the fact that other people in the world have faith in her to do a good job as an ambassador for Australia. Lets celebrate Jodie’s success and wish her a whole lot more during the next 11 months. Jodie – I will miss you, Mick will miss you, Amy will miss you – your dad will miss you. But we are all very very proud of you and I for one am very excited that you are heading off on this great adventure. On behalf of your family I wish you the very best of luck.

I thought since some people have read the story about Miss A stonewalling me that it was worth writing about a young Miss A (now 18 and a half) showing much more maturity. In the 18 months she was living elsewhere she discovered life can be tough and getting what you want is difficult. She came back home to live about 6 weeks ago. Since then I must say she has done much to make me proud. She has accommodated my ‘rules’ (I do not like that word much for a young adult but that seems to be the word that makes sense to her). She has, since coming home, attended her casual job regularly, saved money, gained her drivers license, looked after her health and hygiene, helped out a little around the house (hmmm yes there is some way to go here), demonstrated greater respect for the use of what is not actually her own (like my car) and is working towards getting her own car on the road.

Miss A found herself in a trail of emotionally unhealthy environments culminating in living with a girlfriend who was more interested in partying and boys so when I offered for her to come home – on conditions which included counselling – she was quick to agree. I was scared, concerned that on an emotional level this would be hard work (and it has been) and that I needed to tread carefully to rebuild a positive relationship with her while guiding her with a firm hand. So far fingers crossed so good. I get loads of  support from my new partner and virtually little more than scorn from Miss A’s father. When I told him she had had agreed to go back to school he smirked, scoffed and said ‘good luck’. I responded – ‘Well that’s being a supportive father isn’t it’…he apologised but the damage was done. The sooner he is less in my life the better!

Anyway, Miss A needs lots of support and encouragement which she is now getting. She is not only getting it from me but also from my family (the ex’s family are too mad at her for leaving her dads care to give her much time of day – it IS sad!) and from the teachers at school. Fingers crossed all will go well in 2009 as I help her through her final year in school and the topsy turvey world of teen relationships. I sincerely hope I can maintain my own emotional sanity through that time!

(Click the tag teenage girls to see how this journey has gone if you are new to the story)

I did it…thanks to my sis…I got to meet the almighty guru himself Craig Harper. (I will add a link later – for now this is my story!) Ok…so he made me laugh, almost made me cry…but has definitely got me back on track as I put my life on a hoist, poke it, prod it, and give it a nice old tune up…and now I have more fodder to blog about

Check out those Biceps…oops I digress….

Craig Harper and Enuff

Sooo….where do I start…He blew me away with some very clear messages that once again have been very timely…I am entering a new stage in life – a new partner(Mick) , and in less than six months I am likely to be truly ‘alone’ as my second child wings it to Japan for 12 months on exchange. Mick has entered my life just at the right time I think – but it does mean I need to reassess things – to go from being single to being in a serious relationship. Scary stuff!

Ok…so there you have the context…a long way from where I was when I first started this blog. the black dog of depression has made a noise once or twice but I have managed to keep it well tethered!

Ok…I am the biggest barrier to my own life…true enough! That was the first thing I wrote down. Am I prepared to do the things I need to do to make a better life for me? Hell yes….Consistently??? Oh dear…lol. Craig’s message was very clear to me – I had read it all before…this time I heard it. And I could not escape some of the things I had avoided like looking seriously at my physical health and addressing the fact that I am one of the 85% of Australians who have a gym membership and don’t actually use it…I am good with the excuses for not going!

I am not going to tackle the supposed barriers which are little more than excuses here but I will take a minute to review the real ones and see how they affect me:

1. We don’t consistently apply what we know – damn…I know I don’t. I don’t regularly exercise, I don’t consistently keep my house as tidy as I like (yes it makes me feel good) and I don’t make any serious effort to quit the smoking.

2. Attitude – OK..generally my attitude is pretty good – but obviously my attutude to exercise is not…and that does need to change. I really don’t get into it…so here I do have to get out of my comfortable instant gratification state and do something about it…( I have noted here also how true this attitude thing is for my work…try teaching yr 12’s with an inappropriate attutude to ‘doing’ some work!)

3. Apathy and laziness - guilty once again on the exercise and smoking front…there seems to be a recurring theme here doesn’t there!  Oh and I have to push myself to do some of my work as a teacher…you know – the corrections …ugh! Sometimes I wish I could do all the teaching without the assessment – but then I would never know how I am going would I???

4. Fear – oh dear….two things I fear most – confrontation is one – I have already written about that – and a fear that for all intents and purposes seems to be based on a limiting belief that if I quit smoking I will crash with depression – experience has led me to that belief….it needs addressing and it will take some time.

5. Procrastination - seems I am procrastinating over the exercise thing…gosh! And the quitting smoking…no day will be a good day to start that but I am waiting……

6. Ignorance – well I really am in the know for most things….it’s what I do with that knowledge that seems to be the problem.

7. Poor Planning – guilty of that on a financial front, and my stress levels go up when I don’t plan…so I need to be more regular about giving myself some planning time and I definately need a financial plan!

8. Overthinking...I suspect I am doing this in a number of ways – especially with the new relationship…I just need to go with the flow a bit.

the participants at the workshop

9. Low standards – yep – on the health front – it is ok I smoke (but it should not be), I don’t push too hard when I do exercise, I still eat sometimes food too often, I cut corners with housework and am not always as thorough as I could be…what to spend my very valuable time on seems to have suffered with a great deal of mediocrity.

10. Don’t finish what we start….that damn gym membership…the unfinished cross stitches and patchwork quilts, this blog – well I am back at it I guess!

11. Lack of discipline and self control – way out there when I get a few drinks in ….but seriously yes I can do better here once again with the exercise! Maybe I need a Mr Bald Guy of my own?

12. Negative emotions - oh oh!!! Bitterness, resentment, anger…still lurk especially when I have encounters with the Ex Hubby. Let the go??? How??? I know they are a waste of energy and when I recognise what I am doing I tell myself to put the claws back in…but it takes a lot of work.

13. Lack of clarity and certainty for what I want – well that’s why I have been to the seminar and why I now have Craigs workbook to go through!

OK….That’s it in a nutshell – recurring theme – look after my health! Exercise…and get serious about quitting smoking – that is scary…

Ok I have done some homework…where is the cheesecake???

the lovely bald guy

The lovely Bald guy Johnny – he really does keep Craig Organised.

Ok…if you want to know more go read up on Craig’s Website

OH and the first 10 minutes of that inspirational chat is here

I got this rather important message this morning:

When your cup is full — stop pouring. Sip on what you’ve got in there for a bit. If you get to the bottom and there’s not another drop in sight… Well, go wash your cup.

It comes from this blog: Shift your Spirits

It is timely as I head to that part of my working year when there really is not enough time to do and be all I think I should be. I think i am going to ban should from my vocab. I have come across this idea before. Should is debilitating, some demand to be better, do better than we already are. Ok…I should go get ready for work now…woops…I think that one is ‘must’ I know there is more on this topic I could write too. But no, I will leave that for another time and go wash my cup for now.

Hmmm…12 months have passed so I guess I should check up on how I am doing. I have had my moments recently so its probably a good time to get real about a check up. The signs are good, very good in fact. I have a new social network of friends who are now including me in their social life outside the pub. I have of course met some rather interesting folk and been challenged by being 40+ and single…but I thrive on the experiences life throws at me even if i do feel uncomfortable at the time:)

At work I have only been missing only for appointments which could not be made outside of work hours and one ‘mental health day’ which was used to get on top of assessments rather than spend it in bed. It was a very stressful start to the school year with changes in class arrangements, lack of leadership in the English department and so on but all has now settled down and a routine is finally established. Teaching 2 Yr 12 classes is a real challenge and the fact I have been allocated them says a lot about how well my employer thinks I can now do my job. I think I am meeting those expectations fairly well…but I still have not worked out how to get more of those students to put English at the top of their pile of work:)

Weight wise I still feel stagnant at 65-67 kilos but I am getting a little fitter. I find my commitment here waxes and wanes with work stress and lack of self discipline. Been giving myself a good talking to – finding a balance between time socialising (often at social network sites), eating properly (which means cooking properly) and attending gym to get the good endorphins from exercise is something that is still a challenge…I do get very lazy.

Sometimes we need to readjust what we have committed to. I have a history of over committing….at work I put in extra for some kids and some school events, in the community at this time of year I volunteer for the local Scout Gangshow and this all goes on top of the busiest school term of the year and the onset of winter. I know what to do. Some things will just have to miss out for a while. Salsa dance classes will get less commitment. The social network sites will get less of my time. The priorities for the way I use my time have changed as they should to find the right balance between work, rest and play. Today marks the beginning of a slightly altered routine. They say if it isn’t working change the routine…change the steps…move to different music. I know that works…I am about to change the steps and see if that helps and prevents me from burning out over the next very busy 10 weeks. At the end of that I hope to come back and see if I have in fact managed it all as well as I know imagine I can.

Recently through Craig Harper I have found an accountability partner. I hope through this I will stay plenty motivated. On top of this I have Greg, Greg, Ian, Michael, Darren, Peter, Georgina, Dave, Sharon and a number of others who I communicate with online at various times who also help me get through tough times. Plus supportive workmates and family. Sometimes it would be nice to have someone closer to me to be a support but given that 12 months ago I felt there was no-one at all save my mum I could turn to, I have done well in building a social network.

There is no formula for dragging you out of deep and dark depression…it does take time, and effort, and reflection. If something is not working, change it. If something works well keep doing it while it works. Take the time to check up every few months when you think you are well – and look back on what has been achieved rather than focus on what has not. I have been of late remonstrating about the weight, about too much time spent on the net, about not cooking and eating properly but remonstrating did not fix it. I need to do it. But I am also pleased to have revisited some earlier posts and thought well things are different.

I still have a rocky time with the eldest, and with the ex. But I am moving on in plenty of ways and will keep on moving.

I just came across this article: http://www.speakstrong.com/articles/speak-strong/boats.html

I just can’t say it much better - I have covered this topic before, so I won’t ad…except to say yes this is important6 for my journey of confrontation!

Enuff!

‘You have a problem with confrontation’ ( a psych nurse)

‘You have not confronted the most important person yet - yourself’ (My counsellor)

Yikes….my body is wracked with fear and anguish. My experience of confrontation is negative….scary…frightening. Confrontation means I will upset someone, rock the boat, stand up for myself (and I always seem to fail at that). The last person I want to upset is me. I have already rocked my boat by giving up on my marriage….so what exactly does this mean? Why is my thinking so skewed?

Ok…so lest take a look at what this word means anyway:

Confront: verb

1. to face in hostility or defiance; oppose: The feuding factions confronted one another.
2. to present for acknowledgment, contradiction, etc.; set face to face: They confronted him with evidence of his crime.
3. to stand or come in front of; stand or meet facing: The two long-separated brothers confronted each other speechlessly.
4. to be in one’s way: the numerous obstacles that still confronted him.
5. to bring together for examination or comparison.

 HMMM…..methinks I am only looking at one interpetation and application of this word!  The red indicates my automatic response – which results in flight not fight as a response. The purple on the other hand requires no fight or flight but careful consideration, openness, balance, considered and careful judgement.

 1. to face in hostility or defiance; oppose: The feuding factions confronted one another.

I am not a hostile person for the most part. I have been known to be verbally violent I guess, and on the whole have only lashed out in hositility on rare occassions – when my patiences wears thinner than rice paper. I may have behaved defiantly as a child – but always secretively – I never openly defied my parents, the authorities….potential for punishment was always a good deterrent.

‘Oppose’ has a slightly different connotation though. I can oppose someone’s viewpoint, even support my opposition with what I think is good rational argument so this is a word that should not make me want to run in the opposite direction. Maybe it’s because when I did ‘oppose’ the view for example of a parent my view was often dismissed as ’silly’, ‘immature’, ‘irrelevant’ simply because it did not agree with that of the parent. Opposing for me has often been met with a severe lack of acknowledgement. Hence, to oppose is frightening. Responses to my oposition are known to attack my self worth. OK…THAT has to change!

Don’t ask me how yet – I don’t know!

I recall being accused by an employer once of ‘talking through my bum’;  of not knowing ‘what I was doing’. Instead of opposing this view, of standing up for myself I quaked. I fell to bits. I cried in response to his hostility. I had no skills to respond with and defiance. His judgement was mean, unfair, totally uncalled for in that situation. I was being trained as a shift manager at a Mc Donalds store. It was Monday night – usually a nice easy night to be left ‘in charge’, but this particular night was Cup Eve and my training had not covered ’staffing’ issues. This had always been done for me. When he arrived and saw people waiting, saw the stress of me trying to manage the crowd he blamed me for getting it all wrong. The very next day I rang a previous employer, asked for my job back and resigned from Mc Donalds. Nope…I don’t do confrontation well. As a 21 year old this kind of crowned it. So I chose not to oppose his judgement event hough I knew it was unfair. This was typical of my behaviour for many years to come. In this situation I don’t do confrontation. I run.

 2. to present for acknowledgment, contradiction, etc.; set face to face: They confronted him with evidence of his crime.

Well lets see now…I have coloured this purple. I don’t feel so nervous or frightened by these words or ideas. I am actually very good at presenting myself with ‘evidence of’ my crimes…and its bad! In doing so more often than not I am not kind to myself and don’t acknowledge the bits that are worthy of praise…and sometimes its not even a crime at all…just a crime in they way I think others see me.

11 long years ago I tried to present for acknowledgement my view that my marriage was over. I presented my husband with evidence of how things had gone wrong for us – our ‘crime’ – it wasn’t all his fault. But my decision to call the marriage off, to be separated was judged by significant others. I lost confidence in myself and instead continued to be who I was not and try to make the marriage work. I listened to the blamers.

This time round I have presented only to myself the acknowledgement that I was unhappy, depressed, lonely and the only way out would be to be putting myself first. I steeled myself against those who would judge – who would put me down for my decision. The worst offender this time has excommunicated me. He totally fails to acknowledge the efforts I went to to make the marriage healthy and happy. He totally fails to acknowledge that I did my best, I was a ‘good’ wife and mother. He totally fails to acknowledge his son has a role in the failure. It saddens me incredibly he is like this as I did my best for his son for many years. However, if you are still reading, you can see that I CAN present the bad stuff for acknowledgment and come face to face with it. It hurts, it’s hard, but I can. And, whats more, I am and have dealt with the conseuquences. Some are hard to take, but I take them nonetheless. (There have been plenty of consequences which have turned out to be easy to take too!)

3. to stand or come in front of; stand or meet facing: The two long-separated brothers confronted each other speechlessly.

This I struggle with lots. I need to stand face to face and actually present for acknowledgement some of the issues and problems being created by my ex, my my teenager daughter…but I can’t. I make excuses. I delay. I put off. I try to be ‘nice’ and not swing punches – verbal or otherwise. I find it hard to do in the workplace, with colleagues and freinds. Perhaps because the result of doing so as a child led to weeks of passive agressive treament – the silent treatment and I still fear that. Yet I know, that when you do spill it, when you do say something, you meet facing,  it often all turns out for the best. Not everyone is passive-aggressive, or violent, or abusive. Its the significant others I find the hardest to face. I would so love to be brutally honest about my feelings and offer reality checks to some.

My body still responds with fear when I am in one of these situations. I often stay calm, cool, collected….and stew for days, weeks, months….I got to the point where I was numb. I did not even recognise when something was upsetting me and needed to be dealt with. My body is beginning to respond. I am learning to acknowledge my gut feeling and label a response when it happens. I am gradually able to meet facing someone or something that has upset me.

As a teacher I have developed the skills of both acknowledgement and constructive criticism. I stand and meet issues head on on a daily basis. Whenever I used these with significant others I was accused of ’sounding like a teacher’. It’s time to stop responding to that by backing off and start saying instead- THAT’S WHAT I AM! It’s what I do. If you don’t want to listen fine, but I will still have my say. I have feared this will leave me lonely. I am not so convinced of that anymore. I need to keep growing in this way. I need to stand and meet (x) facing.

4. to be in one’s way: the numerous obstacles that still confronted him.

This one has been a problem in the past…the obstacles to the persuit of happiness and bliss have been many. We all have them. Trouble is I let them pile up on my shoulders instead of constructively moving them out of the way. These obstacles include the expectations of others, the expectations of society – double income 2 kids – and the values and beliefs I carried. These can be fixed, and to some extent have been.

I do not let most of the old fashioned social values and expectations rule my life anymore. I left my marriage. I do not equate being a good responsible parent with being married anymore. I have done something about being overweight and unfit. I have found some of selfconfidence I once posessed which was buried beneath the obstacles I carried. I am learning to say ‘no’ so I don’t take on more obstacles. I have also banned ‘can’t’ from my vocabulary. But there are still some obstacles there….

-fear of all kinds of things….rejection, loneliness, judgement,

-the ‘good girl’ syndrome (I will explore this one later)

-the usual: money! There is never enough to do all you want to do…ad debt as there is still some of that too.

No doubt these ‘obstacles’ can be dealt with, the values and beliefs can change…given time. Maybe I should write a post focussing just on ‘my obstacles’…and how I plan to deal with them! That brings us to #5

5. to bring together for examination or comparison.

This I can do. I can compare, examine, pull apart and put back together all kinds of things. Its problem solving at its best. I do it in my job. I do it in my craft. It is what I will have to do to overcome the red points above! I need to remove the automatic ‘hostility’ I feel about the word confrontation…this post has been a step towards that.

Confrontation does not have to be hostile, abusive or even a negative experience.

It

- can be freeing

- can relase the burden of obstacles

-can be enlightening to ones journey of self discovery

-can return ones self confidence

-be nurturing

-can create new and interesting relationships

My counsellor asked me to provide 5 positive statements for every bit of negative self talk I notice. Here is the first:

I am no good at confrontation. It scares me.

1. I can engage in good rational constructive criticism

2. I can confront without being aggressive or hostile

3. I value confrontation as a way to grow and learn.

4. I can respond to confrontation that is not aggressive or hostile and be thankful for the lesson.

5. I can confront the negative self talk and find 5 positives!

Enuff!

Well I wish i had written this myself but I didn’t. Reading it was like looking in a mirror and seeing the old me….not a pretty site is it?

Check it out here

The words doormat are still there – but fading fast….anyone got some really good stuff I can just clean them up with

Ok…so I have moved on…am getting better – now what? Like what exactly are my goals? What do I now want to achieve? I have spent the better part of the last 6 months playing and having fun but essentially I am goal driven and not a floater. Floating has been fun but I think it is time to spend less time floating and more time working on the longer term goals!

Work: I have work goals – I have managed to get back into the yr 12 English classroom. Thats a great challenge – to get these kids through helping them achieve their best possible scores. It’s been a long time, the core curriculum has changed, but the workload is pretty much the same. I have confidence I will do well as long as I am as self disciplined as I expect them to be.

I also intend to be a better classroom manager. The little twerps will not run my classes. I will.  Oh don’t worry – I am no Dragon Lady and I know when to have a laugh with them. But I also know when it is time to be firm and get them working.

Finally I want to instill in them the importance of using their own brain to solve problems and not mine. That is – to teach them good habits of mind along the way. One of the things we teachers complain about most is how much these students expect the instant gratification of achievement without doing the work themselves if they can – including the work of thinking. That needs to change. If I can alter the pathway of one starfish I will have achieved something. If I can help colleagues do the same I will have done better.

Long term: keep being the best teacher I can be for 4 years…then I may venture overseas to teach or at the very least to a new school.

Ok…enuff of work…what about other very important stuff?

Finances:

Hmmm get to the point where I am not living from one pay to the next. This means every cent has to be accounted for, there will be no debt and limited frivolous spending. I have been playing bigtime, frivolous spending has felt nice, but seriously if i want to get ahead planning what to do with my money is as important as looking after my emotional bank account. By the end of this year I want to be able to pay this weeks bills from last months pay. I am getting help from Simply Budgets. So, I will track and plan my spending and make it a daily habit.

Long term: Finance a laptop, a new car and a big holiday in 2 years time.

Health:  This is one area I have already made a start on. I am committed to the local gym 3 times a week and Salsa dancing classes. The gym came about because I was tired of ‘waiting’ for yoga to restart and because of the ‘value for money’ cost of gym vs yoga class. However I also treat myself with Salsa – its social and sexy! I get a real natural high from dancing - the bodies natural feel good hormones go wild. It’s great. Gym on the other hand is a bit more work and an opportunity for time out from the hurley burly of daily life.

I am also watching the diet - not dieting but making careful choices. Less fat, much less carbs, few snacks, and the occassional self indulgent treat. (I just can’t say no to chocolate hedghog when it is on offer at school…hmmm…maybe that should be a challenge….nah…a treat is good!) The goal here is 60 kilos…I have 7 to go. Once upon a time I would have believed a weight of 70 kilos was impossible to achieve – ( I was in the high 80’s – even got into the 90’s once) I was convinced I was ‘heavy boned’…all excuses – I  KNOW now because I have got under 70 and achieved the goal of staying under it over Christmas.

Long term: maintain a weight in the healthy weight range, keep physically fit, give up smoking.

Social network - This one has been a challenge. Getting better means I am friendlier, able to get out and meet people…and discover single life…dangerous world out there! I have been really going into party mode…but it is time to tone that down 10 notches. It costs money, but even more importantly I have found myself making some really dumbass decisions when I have had too much to drink and it takes a whole day or more to recover if I overdoit with the alcohol. My personal integrity has recently taken a bashing from the party girl. I need to correct that…so the routine of heading to the pub for late friday night partying is getting a break while I work out what it is that I need from such behaviour and try to find some other way of getting it. The attention from men who discover I am single is nice, flattering, but most only have one thing in mind. I need more than a romp in the hay! (gosh there is a whole other post i could write on these experiences!)

So…I am gonna pull in my devil horns and find people with similar values to knock around with.  The salsa group is nice, workmates are fun, and so is the gangshow crew. The online friends give me a daily dose of laughter. And I think I might actually enjoy a couple of quiet movie nights at home…when the cricket is not on.

Long term: no specific goal here except to have a broad social network!

Creativity:  This aspect of me permeates all my life. Once again there is backstage work for gangshow to do – my annual contribution to the local community. Then I have lots of UFO’s…unfinished patchwork quilts and paintings. On top of that there is some scrapbooking. I have it all sorted and at hand…I need to make time to do some. Oh…and writing more blog entries would be good too!

Long term: another less specific goal…nurtur my precious gift of creativity!

Ok…I guess thats it - if you have suggestions, ideas, or something to say please feel free to comment!

My favourite blogger and mentor has done it again! He has written a timely reminder for me..well of course not just for me but there is something about his timing I am sure – positive in fact!

“Stop wasting your life on crap you can’t change”.

Lets take a little peek at where I may have strayed from the path…

Fist take a peek at Craig Harpers post so you know what I am talking about!

OK I am not quite over my history. I thought I was, but the odd few special people in my li8fe now remind me that negative talk about my 21 year marriage is not good. There was something there at times and I have two daughters to be thankful for as permanent reminders of times of joy.  I am over my childhood, the life I was born into…but the marriage is taking a bit of time to get over. Some new good freinds are helping along the way. I need to stop myself when i wish to come out with a criticism of my ex and the way mymarriage was…just move on and build better and stronger relationships, showing I have learned from this experience. Aussies love to whinge…I am good at it – but it’s not healthy!

I have made some great new friends online…but I can’t change that they live in other places, miles from me in my country and even overseas. Wishing as I might that I can get to them and be with them, to meet them, in real life gets me wound up with emotional frustration; yet in the foreseeable future at least there is little likelihood I will ever really meet some of them…especially the ones furthest away. OK. it is time to be real about how close to these people I can get and stop wishing for something I can’t change. I am already working on this.

Genetics and Age? Ha…I am quite ok about being in my 40’s and have met a number of others the same. I am not near enough to 50 to be worrying as I see other 40 year olds do about being old. But I do wonder at them…especially if they are not getting serious about their bodies, their health and their minds. At 40, there is at least another 20-30 good years to go if you do the right thing, listen to the body, eat well, exercise, manage your drinking of alcohol, and perhaps even (damn it all) give up the smokes! I have taken control of all but the last…and that I am sure will come as I now start to show more respect for the body that carries me around from one day to the next.  As far as genetics go – well thanks dad for the hairiness…and mum  – well I can look at her and her poor weary body and know I don’t want to go there…hence the motivation to be better at caring for myself and being active. I have in the last 2 weeks commenced yoga…my choice for exercise and spiritual health and while it is challenging to someone like me it is perfect for someone who is not competitive, who is unfit, and who is still looking for some inner peace…try it! You just might rediscover that body you have to look after and it will have new meaning for you!

Invest your energy, talent, time and skill where you will…

1) Achieve the best return on your investment
2) Do some good
3) Learn and grow
4) Don’t be a pain in the ass to be around

Working on it Craig! Thanks for the reminder!