It has been 12 months

Hmmm…12 months have passed so I guess I should check up on how I am doing. I have had my moments recently so its probably a good time to get real about a check up. The signs are good, very good in fact. I have a new social network of friends who are now including me in their social life outside the pub. I have of course met some rather interesting folk and been challenged by being 40+ and single…but I thrive on the experiences life throws at me even if i do feel uncomfortable at the time:)

At work I have only been missing only for appointments which could not be made outside of work hours and one ‘mental health day’ which was used to get on top of assessments rather than spend it in bed. It was a very stressful start to the school year with changes in class arrangements, lack of leadership in the English department and so on but all has now settled down and a routine is finally established. Teaching 2 Yr 12 classes is a real challenge and the fact I have been allocated them says a lot about how well my employer thinks I can now do my job. I think I am meeting those expectations fairly well…but I still have not worked out how to get more of those students to put English at the top of their pile of work:)

Weight wise I still feel stagnant at 65-67 kilos but I am getting a little fitter. I find my commitment here waxes and wanes with work stress and lack of self discipline. Been giving myself a good talking to – finding a balance between time socialising (often at social network sites), eating properly (which means cooking properly) and attending gym to get the good endorphins from exercise is something that is still a challenge…I do get very lazy.

Sometimes we need to readjust what we have committed to. I have a history of over committing….at work I put in extra for some kids and some school events, in the community at this time of year I volunteer for the local Scout Gangshow and this all goes on top of the busiest school term of the year and the onset of winter. I know what to do. Some things will just have to miss out for a while. Salsa dance classes will get less commitment. The social network sites will get less of my time. The priorities for the way I use my time have changed as they should to find the right balance between work, rest and play. Today marks the beginning of a slightly altered routine. They say if it isn’t working change the routine…change the steps…move to different music. I know that works…I am about to change the steps and see if that helps and prevents me from burning out over the next very busy 10 weeks. At the end of that I hope to come back and see if I have in fact managed it all as well as I know imagine I can.

Recently through Craig Harper I have found an accountability partner. I hope through this I will stay plenty motivated. On top of this I have Greg, Greg, Ian, Michael, Darren, Peter, Georgina, Dave, Sharon and a number of others who I communicate with online at various times who also help me get through tough times. Plus supportive workmates and family. Sometimes it would be nice to have someone closer to me to be a support but given that 12 months ago I felt there was no-one at all save my mum I could turn to, I have done well in building a social network.

There is no formula for dragging you out of deep and dark depression…it does take time, and effort, and reflection. If something is not working, change it. If something works well keep doing it while it works. Take the time to check up every few months when you think you are well – and look back on what has been achieved rather than focus on what has not. I have been of late remonstrating about the weight, about too much time spent on the net, about not cooking and eating properly but remonstrating did not fix it. I need to do it. But I am also pleased to have revisited some earlier posts and thought well things are different.

I still have a rocky time with the eldest, and with the ex. But I am moving on in plenty of ways and will keep on moving.