It has been 12 months

Hmmm…12 months have passed so I guess I should check up on how I am doing. I have had my moments recently so its probably a good time to get real about a check up. The signs are good, very good in fact.

Some Boats need to be rocked

I just came across this article: http://www.speakstrong.com/articles/speak-strong/boats.html

I just can’t say it much better - I have covered this topic before, so I won’t ad…except to say yes this is important6 for my journey of confrontation!

Enuff!

Confrontation

‘You have a problem with confrontation’ ( a psych nurse)

‘You have not confronted the most important person yet - yourself’ (My counsellor)

Yikes….my body is wracked with fear and anguish. My experience of confrontation is negative….scary…frightening. Confrontation means I will upset someone, rock the boat, stand up for myself (and I always seem to fail at that). The last person I want to upset is me. I have already rocked my boat by giving up on my marriage….so what exactly does this mean? Why is my thinking so skewed?

The People Pleaser

Well I wish i had written this myself but I didn’t. Reading it was like looking in a mirror and seeing the old me….not a pretty site is it?

Check it out here

The words doormat are still there - but fading fast….anyone got some really good stuff I can just clean them up with

 

 

What do I want to achieve?

Ok…so I have moved on…am getting better - now what? Like what exactly are my goals? What do I now want to achieve? I have spent the better part of the last 6 months playing and having fun but essentially I am goal driven and not a floater. Floating has been fun but I think it is time to spend less time floating and more time working on the longer term goals!

A timely reminder

My favourite blogger and mentor has done it again! He has written a timely reminder for me..well of course not just for me but there is something about his timing I am sure - positive in fact!

“Stop wasting your life on crap you can’t change”.

Lets take a little peek at where I may have strayed from the path…

It has been some time

Well, for anyone reading this I apologise that my writing has stopped…but I won’t apologise that the rants have been done with. Yes I am feeling better!

Ummm…Normal makes me ill

Well I am inspired again this morning by none other than CH as he writes about being a ‘wierdo’. Ok…I am a wierdo..cos ‘normal’ just doesn’t fit!

Key quotes:

I still regularly feel out of place and like I don’t belong or really fit in.

Ummm not as clever as some, not as sexy as others, different tatses in music art and culture…no passion to stay married forever warts and all….
While all the other ‘normal’ kids were ploughing up and down the pool with their skinny ten year-old bodies, I was splashing around in my big-ass T-shirt… to hide my numerous rolls.

Not quite the same but similar…tried to fit into and be comfy in the ‘trendy stuff’ so many times and they… well…just don’t fit!

Even investing the time and energy that I do into this web-site has caused some of my friends to question my sanity and judgement… apparently doing what I do doesn’t make ‘commercial sense’.
It’s not logical; it’s weird.

Yeah - I get this - for different reasons but I get it…I once wrote heaps of lessons on decorative painting - they were hosted in other places and the sites closed…but I wanted my stuff out there for free…so i have a website that is my ‘classroom’ for painters. Something is broken on it right now so it is in need of repair…but people wondered why I bothered. I enjoyed it…knockers should learn to huild bridges!

Don’t really belong. - depends on where I am but it happens
Not good enough. - grew up with this debilitating self belief…changing that
Talented enough. - Creatively yes…athletically no…but i love dancing and don’t do to bad with some of that - now a recognised sport…so thats cool!
Funny enough. - Ive been looking for my sense of humour for about oh….20 years…lost it somewhere…anyone seen it?
Clever enough. - depends on the context…I’ve had a bit of the opposite where being clever is ‘threatening’ to ‘normal’ people…can’t win!
Cool enough. - never wanted to be cool anyway- I like warm and fuzzy
Skinny enough.- constant rollercoaster ride
Pretty enough. - for some
Young enough.- build a bridge…never to young to five something a go. This really ahs not been an issue for me…

Ok…Time to give Craig a little gift from my creative talents!

Now I know that I may have disappointed some of you because you thought I was Superman, not Weirdo-man… but sadly, it’s true.
No ’super’ and plenty of weird.I think I need a tight outfit with a big ‘W’ on the front.
Perhaps something in blue.
Turquoise even.
And maybe a modest yellow cape.
Nothing too long… might get caught in the back wheel.
Possibly some red boots.
Or not.
And beige tights.
I’m digressing.
You love my digressing.
It’s why you come back.See… weird.

This is for Craig!

Hugs!

The ‘get your shit together challenge’

Ok..I fess - I am in awe of Craig Harper his style, his manner, his writing, his whole site….and now he has thrown down a challenge I cannot ignore - the Get your shot together challenge’. See…(assuming you took took that link!) no airy fairy nice as pie language from this motivator - he is funny, brutally honest and expects the exact same from his readers. Well, In the last months if you have been following on with me you will know I have made major life decisions, and there are moments when I wonder if I have made the right choice. It’s time for me to move on, having learned from these experiences so it is time to stop dwelling on what happened, get my shit together and move on!

Sitting at Life’s Train Station.

This great poem fromCraig Harper really speaks loudly and clearly about the way life can pass some people by. Check it out:

It’s five fifteen in the morning.

You wake up excited with a day of new and amazing possibilities ahead of you.
You bounce out of bed and hit the floor running.
You jump in the shower, throw down some toast and head out the front door.
Knowing that today, is the day.
Your heart is racing with anticipation and your mind is cartwheeling through a smorgasbord of possibilities.